It’s a compulsion.

Plain and simple.

And it’s hard to break out of it. Like alcoholism or sex addiction or chronic OCD, I’m addicted to spending. And why not? Why is that such a big surprise? I live in a capitalist country. I live in a city where 99% of employers are retail chains or fast food restaurants. Isn’t that America these days? Nothing but retail shops. Nothing but places for you to spend every last penny you’ve earned on total crap.

I guess alcoholics, after they give up booze, they start to see alcohol everywhere. Every time they visit someone, they’re offered beer. Every time, they go out to eat, there’s a wine/beer menu sitting right on their table. Every time they drive down the street, there’s a billboard with someone drinking.

It’s no different for us shop-a-holics either. For those of us possessed by the demons of credit cards. Every time I turn on the TV, there are a thousand commercials all telling me to open up my wallet and spend, SPEND, SPEND!!! And every time I’m at someone’s house, they’re telling me all the things they recently bought. Every time I go outside, I see billboards and signs for sales. Every time I close my eyes, I see dollar signs and new purses and new shoes and new clothes and new every thing I really don’t need but I feel I have to get.

I’ve become Cathy. I’ve become a cartoon character that spends compulsively. How does one break out of this cycle. For a short while, I can tell myself enough is enough and I need to curb the spending. But I never hold out that long. I can never keep the spending demons at bay. They always take over me, possess me and force me to betray my wallet.

Well, I’m depressed. Only a few days since Christmas, and I’ve already lost that holiday cheer.

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