But then I realized that’s stupid. Why should I feel bad that they’re not going to take my money anymore? Why should I feel bad that I’m not going to pay their ridiculously high interest rates on this store card? It dawned on me that this was less like a bad prom date and more like liberation. It felt good. It felt like I was breaking out of prison or something, like I’d gained some small measure of my freedom back by denying this company my money. They don’t need it. They don’t deserve it. They make SOOOOOOOOO much money without me.

Now, here’s one trick I learned from closing credit accounts. Always make sure the account is actually closed. I’ve previously closed a couple small accounts, and after thinking the account was closed, I would later receive a balance statement in the mail, or I’d get an updated card. When you call these people, I think maybe they get in trouble if too many accounts are closed on their watch, so if begging and pleading with you to keep the account open doesn’t work, they’ll just lie and tell you they’ve closed the account when they haven’t. Ug. So I’ve gotten in the habit of always asking for written proof that my account is closed. Also, I’ll usually call back the company a day or two later and just ask, “Hey is my account closed?” I’m not taking any chances. There’s too much identity theft these days. Even if I’m not using the account, if it’s open, that provides someone else with the opportunity to use it. It’s like turning down that guy you can’t stand for prom, showing up to prom, and realizing you’re still with that guy.

Ok, enough with the prom metaphors. Is it a coincidence my high school reunion is coming up???

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It makes me sick. Why do we live like this? Why do we have a system that relies on us spending all of our money on crap? I don’t need any more crap, but apparently, if I don’t go out and buy more crap, then the market will crash and it will be entirely my fault. No one’s telling me that if I don’t put money in my savings account, then the market will crash. No one’s telling me if I don’t invest in stocks or a retirement plan, then the market will crash.

I guess what it boils down to is despite having no money, a crappy job, and bills up to my eyeballs, if the corporate pigs aren’t making giant profits this holiday season off my credit cards, then they might have to wait another year before they upgrade the yacht, buy that small polynesian country, purchase his 10th home in the Hamptons, and waterski on the bloated corpses of all us poor people who are dying just to get by.

Why don’t these so-called “experts” just be honest and say if there’s not enough spending this holiday season then some CEO might have a slightly smaller golden parachute when he bails out of his failing corporation and that means a bunch of rich folks won’t be happy.

We wouldn’t want that.

But it isn’t that simple. I didn’t immediately have this job straight out of college. Instead, I had a minimum wage job after I got out of college. It’s not that abnormal for students coming out of college to take a bad job just to get by while they’re looking for something good. While I was looking, I still had to pay those student loans. Those student loans were extremely expensive. My crappy job didn’t cover the loans, not to mention the rent, the car insurance, the car payments, groceries, phone, etc etc etc. The obvious solution was credit.

How I wish I’d look into another solution. Credit has ruined my life. I have borrowed beyond my limits. I have borrowed so much so that now even though I have a very good job, I am spending more in credit card interest each month than my student loans. I am spending so much in credit cards that though I make significantly more with each paycheck than I did just a couple years ago, I’m left exactly where I was. I’m still broke. And I’m still borrowing.

Fixing a hole where the rain comes in

It’s a vicious cycle, and unfortunately, in America, my story is not unique. There are so many young kids fresh out of college that are borrowing themselves into ruin. When my grandfather was my age, he already had a wife, a mortgage (he could afford), and a kid on the way. I can’t reasonably afford to be married. I couldn’t pay for a wedding right now. I doubt I could get a loan for a wedding. I can’t afford to buy my own home; I can barely cover rent each month despite living with three other people in a cramped townhouse. And most of all, there’s no way I could afford a kid.

We have become a country so dependent on shopping and borrowing that we have lost our ability to fulfill the American dream. Many people mistake what the America dream was. It wasn’t to maybe, just maybe if by luck somehow strike it rich or become a Hollywood star. The American dream was owning your own home, living comfortably, maybe owning and running a small business, having kids and sending them off to college. That dream is slowly becoming unattainable in a country where consumerism has become the predominant lifestyle. If I’m lucky, if I consolidate all my borrowing, if I try really hard to save every penny, if I cut back on all needless savings, maybe in ten years I’ll get out of this hole that I’ve dug for myself.

Sadly, it’s a big maybe.

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