It’s a compulsion.

Plain and simple.

And it’s hard to break out of it. Like alcoholism or sex addiction or chronic OCD, I’m addicted to spending. And why not? Why is that such a big surprise? I live in a capitalist country. I live in a city where 99% of employers are retail chains or fast food restaurants. Isn’t that America these days? Nothing but retail shops. Nothing but places for you to spend every last penny you’ve earned on total crap.

I guess alcoholics, after they give up booze, they start to see alcohol everywhere. Every time they visit someone, they’re offered beer. Every time, they go out to eat, there’s a wine/beer menu sitting right on their table. Every time they drive down the street, there’s a billboard with someone drinking.

It’s no different for us shop-a-holics either. For those of us possessed by the demons of credit cards. Every time I turn on the TV, there are a thousand commercials all telling me to open up my wallet and spend, SPEND, SPEND!!! And every time I’m at someone’s house, they’re telling me all the things they recently bought. Every time I go outside, I see billboards and signs for sales. Every time I close my eyes, I see dollar signs and new purses and new shoes and new clothes and new every thing I really don’t need but I feel I have to get.

I’ve become Cathy. I’ve become a cartoon character that spends compulsively. How does one break out of this cycle. For a short while, I can tell myself enough is enough and I need to curb the spending. But I never hold out that long. I can never keep the spending demons at bay. They always take over me, possess me and force me to betray my wallet.

Well, I’m depressed. Only a few days since Christmas, and I’ve already lost that holiday cheer.

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Oh wait, let me stress how poor. I have no money at all. My bank account is empty. Thank God it’s pay day. I’m about to lose two of my roommates, which means my rent will almost double at the end of the month. I can’t seem to find any roommates anywhere I look, except of course for creepy old men with which I wouldn’t feel comfortable living.

All of these credit cards are killing me. Even without the cards, the high cost of my student loans sucks me dry each month. Well, today I attempt to close down another store card. I’ve already cut it up…a Sears card. Who needs it? Not me. Now I have to call them up, most likely fight with someone tooth and nail to get the card canceled, and then hope, cross my fingers, it was actually canceled.

Every card I cancel is like a small weight lifted from my shoulders. If only I could cancel rent and student loans…

M.

It’s always MONEY, MONEY, MONEY!!! I hate it. Why can’t we live in a world without money? I’m so sick of worrying about it all of the time. I’m so sick of being in debt. I’m so sick of worrying about being in debt. I want a vacation from my life.

PLEASE!

M.

I always spend too much money. I don’t know how to say enough is enough.  The average American spends about $900 during the holiday season. I can remember only two or three holidays ago, I spent $3,000. What was I thinking? I honestly can’t even begin to tell you what I spent all of the money on. I doubt anyone could even tell you what presents I bought them that holiday. It’s sad how much money we spend on a holiday, on one day of the year. I always end up spending most of the rest of the year paying off the debt I acquired for one day.

This holiday I have to stand up for myself. I need to say, “Enough is enough”, and I need to give myself a gift. No unfettered spending. I have to reign in those credit cards. I already owe WAY too much money. And I’m already WAY too deep in debt to spend the average $900 this season. Maybe I’ll make everyone gifts this year. That’s a great way to save money. Or maybe I’ll just send everyone a card. It’s the thought that counts right?

M.

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