Credit Card Demons

So I cut up my Victoria’s secret card, and I call up the company, and all I get in response is b.s. I’m not asking for much here, I’m just asking they close my account. It’s like pulling teeth with these companies. They’ll do anything humanly possible to prevent you from closing down a card. They keep asking me, “Why why why why why why?” like they’re some forlorn lover wondering why I won’t go out to prom with him. I half expected the guy on the other end to start crying. I had flashbacks to senior year of highschool, when I broke up with my first boyfriend. I almost felt bad for the guy.

But then I realized that’s stupid. Why should I feel bad that they’re not going to take my money anymore? Why should I feel bad that I’m not going to pay their ridiculously high interest rates on this store card? It dawned on me that this was less like a bad prom date and more like liberation. It felt good. It felt like I was breaking out of prison or something, like I’d gained some small measure of my freedom back by denying this company my money. They don’t need it. They don’t deserve it. They make SOOOOOOOOO much money without me.

Now, here’s one trick I learned from closing credit accounts. Always make sure the account is actually closed. I’ve previously closed a couple small accounts, and after thinking the account was closed, I would later receive a balance statement in the mail, or I’d get an updated card. When you call these people, I think maybe they get in trouble if too many accounts are closed on their watch, so if begging and pleading with you to keep the account open doesn’t work, they’ll just lie and tell you they’ve closed the account when they haven’t. Ug. So I’ve gotten in the habit of always asking for written proof that my account is closed. Also, I’ll usually call back the company a day or two later and just ask, “Hey is my account closed?” I’m not taking any chances. There’s too much identity theft these days. Even if I’m not using the account, if it’s open, that provides someone else with the opportunity to use it. It’s like turning down that guy you can’t stand for prom, showing up to prom, and realizing you’re still with that guy.

Ok, enough with the prom metaphors. Is it a coincidence my high school reunion is coming up???

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